Jedi mind tricks
By David Quist
Pre-Coffee Race Report – Redlands Crit
Saturday, March 25th, 2006
–More Benjis for da bus in the Beaver Medical Group Criterium—
Great course for this crit, an uber-technical nonagon of insanity. I mean, think about it: 90 minutes of racing…maybe 40 laps, with 9 corners, that’s some 360 out of the saddle sprints to look forward to. I pretty much expected to be hanging on for dear life to make the time cut. But it wasn’t as bad as I expected, and it was pretty easy to move up the corners, as the field was well populated with Northwesterners. The race was fast, especially in the finishing straight, and guys started popping off the back at the halfway point. Haedo took a little tumble and was out for Toyota, and Health Net was there to take full advantage. The announcer started throwing out bling-primes, which the green train scooped up lap after lap, all to go into the kitty for a rooftop pool installment in their plans for new, bigger-than-Toyota’s megabus. Health Net lost bit of control in the final lap, but managed to get Menzies enough of a margin for an easyish win. More Benjis for da bus.
After I made the time cut, I sat up, and pulled myself out of the race, wanting to save my energy for the tough RR ahead. I got an earful from the seasoned velo-mentor and good friend Khalid, for not finishing the race when I could have. And rightfully so, in principle, but I knew I had cards I would need to keep in the deck for the following stage.
Redlands RR
Sunday March 26th, 2006
An attrition race from hell. A few laps of the crit course, then a long climb to a circuit in the highlands of East Redlands, and back to the crit course for the finish. With my eye on moving up to 123rd, I knew that I needed some Jedi mind trickery to slow down the opposition.
It was time to break out da Sumo.
The sumo, in this case is the famous Mushashimuri (I think), who sits on the back of my bike. Not literally, of course (though it would be pretty good strength training, eh?), but figuratively, in the form of a small paper sticker, performing a shiko atop the Lapierre logo on my seatstay. His purpose: to give the opposition on my wheel, heavy, heavy thoughts. I mean, when you see a sumo, what do you associate? Heavy, things. Heavy feelings, as if you were instantly transformed into a 368lb immobile pillar of a human being. And this is just the sort of thoughts I certainly would like other racers to be having, to break their feeble concentration. They say that cycling is as much psychological as physical, and it’s this kind of psychological warfare that can make the difference between the cycling Jedis and mere men.
Things were pretty sketchy from the start, as the first two turns contained unexpected parked cars at their apex—not good. The second resulted in a small spill, with the field now really strung out going into the climb. This would be the start of the carnage, as the pace was really high for the first few circuits. Unfortunately for me, the cleat on my new road shoes came loose on the right, forcing me to pedal in squares with one foot. I got dropped on the climb, and was chasing with other groups, but could only catch a few glimpses of the Mavic car before I knew I was screwed. No one seemed enthusiastic to chase, so I made a nice brisk training ride despite my now-janky foot action. I got lapped with about 3 to go. Damn.
In the end, Toyota-United was looked dialed in, and the unstoppable Haedo, lumpy bandages and all, took the stage. The Toyota tent girls bounced up and down with glee.
In the end, da sumo would help catapult me to 96th in the final GC. I think he earned a permanent place on my seatstay.
Thanks for reading,
DQ